Allison Mooney- Part 2

Episode (44) – Allison Mooney – 3 times ‘Speaker of The Year’


stitcher

Continued… the questions each type asks:

Playful = WHO? Focus on people
Powerful = WHAT / WHEN? Focus on results
Precise = HOW? They give thought to this
Peaceful = WHY?

Powerfuls (externally strong) need to remember to give the WHY or peaceful will resist (they’re internally strong).

  • How to align to your core preferences and why that gives you more energy and congruence.
  • You can pick a personality from the time your baby is in the cot:- Playful at smiling, cheeky, peeling the wall paper off because they’re curious
    – Powerful are shaking the cot with attitude of ‘get me out’
    – Precise – assessing, and looking intense
    – Peaceful – lie there with wet nappy, hungry as anything and won’t demand.
  • Culture has an impact on which personality you adopt Eg New Zealand is peaceful (won’t sweat the small stuff)
    South Africans are powerful and precise (der to the point!)
  • Life Changing Question:- There are two hungers In life – the small hunger (ego, greed, power and control) and the big hunger (to have a meaningful life, and meet with opportunity and connectedness).

What is your big hunger?
What is the thing that is going to give you meaning in life and allow you to collide with opportunities?

What is your pain area? So often you find meaning out of your pain

Allie found this tool at a time when she was questioning if she wanted to be in the marriage or out of the marriage!
life is more fulfilling when you can be generous to your core. Help and impact others to ‘do life well’
Habits and rituals that creates success:- rise early every day
– Having ‘an opposite’ in your business – so you can draw from another’s strengths.

Book

Transcription

Welcome back to Episode No: 44 of the Life-Changing Questions podcast. This is part 2 of an interview with the people interpreter, Allison Mooney. Allison has shared with us an amazing talk to help us understand that there are really 4 types of people that we deal with in any daily situation. There is the playful, the people who love connecting with others; they are energetic and full of emotion. There are the powerfuls. The powerful people who have the desire to get things done and they are really direct, decisive, fast moving, confident, and speaking bullet points. And there is this precise people. The precise people want to get things done well and with excellence. They’re probably the quieter people and they’re living more formal and take a lot more time, lot more detail and then of course, we have the peaceful. Peaceful people desire to have no conflicts in their lives. They’re more laid back and more easy going. So, Allison has shared with us up to this point the characteristics of each of these 4 types of people and she is about to delve in right now to one of the key questions that people ask and she is also gonna share with us what are the habits and rituals she used to create the success she has in her life and of course her life-changing question. So, without further ado, let’s jump straight in.

If just one question could immediately transform the quality of your life or the results of your business, would you want to know what that question was? Life and business strategist, Kevin Bees, interviews success masters to discover their life-changing questions. Welcome to the Life-Changing Questions podcast.

ALLISON:
And the other thing that I’d love to bring before is the questions we ask. Playfuls will ask ‘who’? Who’s on the team with me? Because I am first and foremost interested in people. The powerful do not ask ‘who’, they ask ‘what’ and ‘when’? They are totally focused on results. What do we need to do, when does that need to [0:01:37]? The precise ask ‘how’? And if you’re smart you’ll ask those precises in your life, ‘How could we do this better?’ because they give thought to that. They always have a plan B. And peacefuls they ask ‘why’ and that’s the greatest learning for a powerful. A powerful failed to sometimes give the ‘why’. They just say we’re going to do this, but peacefuls resist and acquire ‘why’. They are internally strong. So they will resist if they don’t get the ‘why’. The peaceful, they are definitely stronger than most people. Powerfuls can be expressively strong, but peacefuls are quietly strong, hidden will of iron. So, that’s kind of it in a nutshell, the model.

KEVIN:
Very powerful model. And I think it’s gonna take a few more listens to really capture all of the value that you put down here. There is so much valuable in such a short space and time. I am already beginning to recognise myself as a precise because I am very keen to ask the next question which is like the ‘how’ question? I am sure you said something along the lines earlier, I don’t think I quote the exact language, but you said that when we’re in our call or when we’re being natural in alignment with one of these areas, which we’re naturally then people are drawn to us; people come to us. Now Allie, what I can recognise is that in life we can sometimes find ourselves particularly [0:02:49] find ourselves in situations where we happen to play slightly outside of what is natural for us or slightly outside of what’s comfortable for us. So how can we recognize that? How can we come back to our core area, which of these four areas can we align to more if we are a little bit off-centered right now?

ALLISON:
Oh, right now, Kevin, in my life, I am a little bit off centered because I am having to do the detail. It’s draining for me and I know and I have recognized in my business, I need to outsource or give that over, but at the moment I am the product and so I am having to refocus and bring a lot of that to the table. If we are writing with our right hand or we are a right-handed writer, but if you pick up the pen and write with your left hand, it takes energy. It drains you. And it’s the same with life. So often we are in the wrong space. We are [0:03:39] and it takes from us that we don’t like getting out of bed, we don’t like going to work because we’re being drained. If we could discover and this is what I discovered, my strengths. What I strive and what [0:03:54] and if I can do that then I will love doing what I do. I’ll love getting out of bed every day because I am doing what I love doing and that’s encouraging others. I was wired for this. This is my purpose, to encourage. But put me in back of house doing numbers? So sometimes you have to stop and say, ‘Why do I feel so overwhelmed right now of life?’ And that may be because you have gone too far out there. You know, my husband is much more ordered than I am. He likes an ordered house. I am not dirty, but I can happily ___ mess. I [0:04:26] to leave the glasses on the bench before I go to bed, but he couldn’t do that because he likes systems and order. So to please him I love to bring order into my world and his world, but often times that can drain me because I am doing only ordered stuff, which is not my fun area. So did I answer that question?

KEVIN:
Yes, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. So it’s really recognizing which one of these areas is our strength. So if you happen to be a playful person and you are not feeling great in life now, its because you are doing a lot of precise work and a lot of detail work, then recognise that. Let’s get yourself aligned to which is the natural area for you. And I think I found an example with one of my clients. He was very much in an organization where he was a powerful, but he wasn’t allowed to demonstrate that power; was very restricted and held back from him, so it became very interesting to see how could he use that power? How could he use that in the organization? How could he find his voice to do that or how could he use that outside? Is there another space, another organization where he can use that energy as well? So we can sometimes find different places where we can bring their strengths.

ALLISON:
Well, that’s right. See, a lot of people grow into a leadership roles, especially peacefuls. They resist it, they are reluctant leaders, but they are fabulous leaders and if only businesses could see just because they are not too much of a great voice, I hear time and time again, you know, here is an executive group. Most of them are powerfuls and they have got this chief executive, who is a peaceful. Now he is a very effective leader, but they want things done now and peacefuls love to sleep on decisions. So this frustrates the leadership team because they are trying to bite his ankle and get him to make a decision, but he makes very wise decisions because of the pace. Now if I am dealing with a peaceful, I am never gonna ask immediate responses. I am going to say, ‘Look, I will call you. Would a couple of days be fine for you?’ I give them what they need and you know what? They are responsive to me because of that. But as a powerful, if you want that peaceful to make immediate decision, they sometimes even go blank. They can’t think in the immediacy as well as a powerful can. So you see, it’s just understanding the world view of where we come from. I have been given two children in life and at the same room, they couldn’t be more different. We don’t have choices around people, but we can learn to adapt and respond and respect them.

KEVIN:
And tell me [0:06:44] at what age do they start to develop one of these characteristics?

ALLISON:
Well, you know, its trial and error, but I think if you start giving the need areas, spending one a month, focusing on the playful need if you’re not sure, you know, as Florence [0:07:00] the child you could pick up a personality. The playful sort of peeling the wallpaper off because they can [0:07:06] in other ways curious and are always smiling and happy and the powerful are shaking their cots and get me out, when can I take that house from that woman out there, you know, he wants to take charge because then they need to take charge. The precise are assessing, just looking and they have intensity over their faces and you know, the other ones that serve humanity in the most incredible way, these are our musicians, our artists and the peaceful will lie there with a wet nappy, hungry as anything and they just won’t demand because they are not demanding people. [0:07:35] this is only part of who we are too, Kevin, I mean 40% or 60% may be, but 40% is how you are raised. Your culture. Every country has a personality. New Zealand has got a peaceful country. Tomorrow is another day. So when business pple are working with New Zealanders, they have got to realize that we don’t sweat the small stuff, but if you speak to a South African, who is a powerful precise, I have to be aware that the way they have been raised, they have been conditioned to get to the work, get to the bottom line and get a completed first then we play. So these are lot more. You know, people are complex, but if you get the personality power right, oh my goodness, it’s [0:08:18] I get so many emails saying this has been transformational, thank you. So that’s what gets me out of bed every day, when I hear that somebody, it’s helped them. It’s helped me in my marriage. I have been in marriage for 47 years because this is the powerful tool that we both enjoy and appreciate.

KEVIN:
Very powerful tool and I know with your depth in knowledge and experience, we could be talking about this all day long. I am very keen to get to another question for you, which is, of course, we know the topic of the podcast, is that the quality of the questions that we ask ourselves really impacts the quality of our life. So Allie, I would love for you to tell us, what’s the one question that you have asked that’s had the biggest positive impact on your life or on the life of the people that you serve?

ALLISON:
Well, that’s very interesting. You know, the ‘why’ question is out and everybody is asking ‘why’ and ‘why’ is so important, but at 40, that’s when there was a tightness for me. I raised my children and I was a little bit sort of the self development ___ improvement was something that I was getting a hunger for. Now that word ‘hunger’ presented itself and it was kind of a question that was asked of me way back then and I wish I knew, I could quote it because I don’t know who the question was written by. It’s just that there are two hungers in this life. The small hunger is driven by ego, greed, power, and control. The big hunger that we have is to have a meaningful life. And when we find that big hunger, we collide with opportunity and connectedness. Oh my goodness, when I stepped into the big hunger of finding a meaningful life, the opportunities that came my way, I don’t market, Kevin. I just get out there and love on people. And because I love on people, they are drawn to the fact that I know who they are because people have this inner cry for significance and you know what, the opportunities that come my way are just, I am colliding with them all the time. It’s interesting. Can I just tell you one example?

KEVIN:
Please do.

ALLISON:
She was speaking in Kathmandu to some entrepreneurs and then at that time there was a space for me to just have a one day off and one of the entrepreneurs came to me and says, we have got this wonderful little group of young aspiring young women that come down from the villages in to the city and they are very entrepreneurial. We would love to encourage them with your message. And they said, but we don’t have a fee. And of course, I am there. I am there to serve them and I love telling this story. And what happens was, I just said ‘yes’ to it. Do you know what, 24 hours later, I was having breakfast on Everest base camp. They found a way for me to helicopter me up there and have breakfast. What did I do? I just said ‘yes’ to a small group of people and there’s opportunity. I am colliding with them all the time, the opportunities that would be everybody’s dream. That would be a bucket list for probably you, Kevin.

KEVIN:
Ah, tick yeah, there has on the back of ____ standing up with the idea of being able to do that. That sounds wonderful.

ALLISON:
[0:11:20] meaning comes from is being generous to a call. Its a principle of life and you know, I am still a business woman that’s making money, but it’s not my driver. My driver is to help and impact people so that they can go on and do life well. So it’s more than just purpose, it’s I feel called to this, Kevin.

KEVIN:
So let me just understand a little bit further [0:11:44] there are two hungers. There is a small hunger, which is about your ego, your greed, your power. There is a big hunger, which is to have this meaningful life, which, you said for you it’s being generous to the call. This is your calling. You are living this big hunger. This is what you are going towards. If we were to frame that as a question then for people on the show to listen to, what is the question? What was the question you are answering to come to that realization?

ALLISON:
Well, that’s a really big question, isn’t it? I would just say the question would be ‘Are you operating out of the small hunger?’ And you know, to be honest business people, we all have sometimes the sense of needing a little bit of power or we ____ ego because we have a cry within us for significance and that’s why when you meet those needs in people, they feel significant. So this full hunger for me, I operate out of this. Sometimes it’s helping people having their needs met, but when we fall into that big hunger, the desire to find meaning and purpose, you see, I just think about some of the young people. I have got a grandson; he is 21 and he is purposeless right now. He hasn’t found any purpose and meaning and he is just meandering through life. And one of my great desires is to help him find meaning and I think he will find it in serving humanity by going into a third world country; that’s my idea and I hope that I can influence him one day that he might do that because we are all looking for that sense of who we are and you might find meaning in other things, but my meaning is finding and helping people discover who they are. That’s what I found. So the question is [0:13:16] questions, what are you doing? Are you operating? What hunger do you have [0:13:20] a small hunger? Yes, that’s okay, but the big hunger. Oh, you reframe it for me. You are the smart reframer.

KEVIN:
Ha, ha, ha! I think what I am hearing from this, what I wanna take from this is, [0:13:32] asking you to think about on the call today is, what is your big hunger? What is the thing that’s gonna give you meaning in your life? What is the thing that’s gonna have you collide with those opportunities that Allie is experiencing because she is living her big hunger? So what is your big hunger? I would like to really take some time to think about that and identify what is the thing that you feel called to do? What is the thing that would make a difference?

ALLISON:
If the listeners could think about their pain area because so often you find meaning out of your pain. See, I found meaning out of a painful time when I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be in the marriage or out of the marriage. It wasn’t something I was going to leave tomorrow, but I was reflecting on that. But out of that pain, I discovered a wonderful tool. So don’t negate the pain that’s in your life because that’s sometimes where we find meaning.

KEVIN:
Powerful, powerful distinction. Allie, along this journey that you just shared with us about recognizing the pain and maybe using that to identify what is your big hunger, I look to hear from you, you have been able to help so many people on your journey. Allison, what are some of the habits and rituals that you have that has allowed you to create that level of success in your life?

ALLISON:
Well, I think I am so grateful. I am from a large family. My mother fostered children because I lost my dad when I was 10. He passed away. And she fostered over 80 children in 5 years. I say this because she ran the ship like quite militant way because she had to, to get people out and I got out of bed early. I am an early riser and I think that’s one of the habits that I am very pleased about because you know some of these [0:15:07] sleep until 11 o’clock and they just feel that they are [0:15:12] I just love the beauty of the morning, so I get lot done in there. So that’s one of the habits that I have. Some habits are bad habits, you know, so like when I reward myself, I might have something that’s probably not good for my body, but you know, that’s a bad habit. I really want to talk about in the business, having an opposite in your business because this has been both challenging and complementary for me. So I know that this is a ritual that we need to be thinking about and being more deliberate about because my husband and I do not see things the same, but he brings objectivity and he ____ the edges around me. I am very subjective. So I think creating rituals, I think we need to embrace all four differences in our world because then there is the pattern, then you are drawing from everybody’s strengths, so you are not missing, every stone is unturned. I need a precise that brings compliance into my life. You know, I pay my GST, I pay my taxes. I’d have been in prison if I didn’t have my husband because he does all of that for me. So thinking about that I think creating rituals around the frameworks of how you live out is a really important factor. If you grow in business and then your family too, in knowing who you are and developing your children [0:16:32] according to their world view. Everything I do comes out of personality. I must bore people sometimes.

KEVIN:
No, not at all because you do with such playful enthusiasm, I don’t think you can bore people because that energy brings people along. Now what I’m hearing though is the key thing is, always play to your strengths and bring in that support of, you know, where you potentially aren’t attention to detail, bring in someone who __ attention to detail or if you are someone who is attention to detail bring in someone to come and do the playful side of your business. Whatever it is, play to your strengths and find someone who complements you.

ALLISON:
And play to their strengths as well. That’s the thing to is honouring and there’s no one that’s better, just different. That’s the thing that we need to be mindful of. Because sometimes ___ personality might think, well, precise is of highly intelligent because they ask so many questions. But sometimes they can be perceived as looking down at the dummies because [0:17:25] with my mouth and I am not as clear as what they are and so I can feel a little bit less than because they look at me and think. ‘Oh, show pony, you know.’

KEVIN:
Exactly, exactly. I love that great analogy. So not only play to your strength, play to their strength as well. Now, you were able to tell us about this amazing experience which would be a bucket list for many people, which is to be at the base camp of Everest and have your breakfast there. If there was one thing that was on your bucket list that you haven’t accomplished yet, one thing you still want to do, what would that be?

ALLISON:
Well, I have actually done one and that was the family cruise with all my family and that was just wonderful and I would like to do that again, but because I have been just 60 cities around the world, I have seen a lot and this is just a magnificent world. Everybody would say that they would like to go to some distant nation, but you know what, I think my bucket list, I want to see my grandchildren fully focused on living life fully and so my bucket list would be to see this grandson of mine do something like habitat for humanity. He has a heart for it, I just wanna help him bring that out. So my mission would be not so much for me, but to see him rise, you know, it’s all about family [0:18:38] and the next generation and that would be my bucket list No. 1, top of my thought right now.
KEVIN:
Great and that really ties back into your big hunger as well. Now, we haven’t spoken about your book, but you have a great book out there; it’s called ‘Pressing Button’. So I wonder if you would just tell us briefly a little bit about that book, so anyone who is listening, if they want to read more and understand more about your work, they can jump into it?

ALLISON:
Yes. It’s called pressing the right buttons because we can press buttons and they could be the wrong ones. And it’s a bestseller, I am proud to say in New Zealand it’s a best seller. It’s published by Random House and that would be a book that you could get off my web. It’s not always easily accessible because Random turn out so many books, but if you went to my web and I am sure that you have opportunity.

KEVIN:
So allisonmooney.co.nz. Check out on the page notes of the show. You can click on the link there and it will take you straight through to Allison’s site.

ALLISON:
Yes, that’s the book, but would you like me to share with you some of the books that has impacted me?

KEVIN:
Yes, if there was one book that you would recommend for the readers to read after they have read your book, what would that book be?

ALLISON:
Oh, can’t say too quickly. First of all ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain. Now I love this because it honours the precise and peaceful. Sometimes I don’t get fair game because of the quieter types. It’s ‘The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking’ and I would highly recommend that to any peaceful or precise to read. It is a great book; it values and honours those types. But equally I have a book that I just live, eat and breath as well and it’s called ‘The Love Language’, the five languages of love and I have to say that that was really one that helped me tremendously and quickly just to say, there are five ways that we communicate our love with words, touch, acts of service, quality time, and gifts. And what happens is, I have been loving my husband for a long time, but it wasn’t his love language. He loved me, but I didn’t feel his love because his is acts of service whereas mine is words. I hunger for words, but he doesn’t give me words. He picks up after me. He does these things and I didn’t think that was love. So I, he and so many people feeling unloved, when their partner in life is loving, so it’s a brilliant book, Gary Chapman is the author, the name is ‘The 5 Love Languages’.

KEVIN:
It’s an absolutely fantastic book and echo your example, I mean this is true in intimate relationships, but also true with friends and family and Allie, I remember when I realized this. I used to buy my mum gifts all the time, go and buy expensive jewellery, go and buy clothes or perfume or something or ornaments and she was appreciative, but not really and my brother, all he did is, he put together this little book, right, the book may have cost him a dollar and what he did is, he wrote on each page, like a voucher, so on this day, on this day [0:21:30] this voucher and we’ll go for coffee, on this day ____ voucher and we will go for a walk, on this day __ the voucher and I will come in and cut your grass for you and then we will spend time together. She said this was the best thing in the whole wide world and I didn’t get it at that time because I am like, I spend all these things, I bought all these great gifts and he just gives her this cheeky book and she loves it, but of course he was playing to her love language, he was very smart in that she will want quality time, it was all about quality time and of course he found a very simple and easy way to give that quality time, so once we understand these five love languages, we can really make a powerful impact with the people that we care for. Allie, you have been absolutely amazing today. You have provided us so much value, so much insight, we can’t thank you enough for everything you have shared, so definitely if you are listening and you wanna know more about Allie, check out allisonmooney.co.nz, check out the page notes and Allie, thank you so much for your time and energy today.

Thanks so much for listening to the life-changing questions podcast with your host, Kevin Bees. We’ll catch you next time.

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